every month i have a meltdown. i know what you’re thinking - PMS. you’re probably right. nonetheless, i always feel as if my meltdowns are well warranted. i don’t like my job, i’m broke all the time, my ass is slightly too thick, i got a bum right knee and oh yeah, did i mention i don’t like my job?
all bullshit aside, i suppose i’m still fairly lucky. i have amusing roommates, i eat well (hence the thick ass), i have great friends, i’m relatively entertaining to be around, i have a roof over my head, i watch lots of movies and i partake in other fairly interesting leisurely activities. besides all the positive aspects of my life that i can somehow readily name now, i still felt the waves crashing in on me around 3pm this afternoon.
today i went to the bathroom during work to cry like a little bitch. i then went back to my desk to look for other jobs on the internet fully realizing that i have no idea what i want to do with my life. this realization made me more depressed and so i went to the bathroom for the second time to cry. i returned to my desk again only to be ushered over to my boss’s cube where she told me i was one of the top performers in my department. this news saddened me even more because i then felt badly for being so good at something i hate and on top of that i was still being sad for not knowing what i want to do with my life.
a couple of hours later, i’m sitting in front of a steaming bowl of pho, reading the chronicle and feeling slightly better about my current situation. i suppose life is good when you can comfort yourself with good foods, good activities or good friends. i feel okay again and for right now my only worry is that thick ass of mine, but i suppose i could find a way to work that in my favor.
